I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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