the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
