he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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