He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
