Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
