1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
