If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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