At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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