i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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