It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize