you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
