new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
