i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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