There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
