Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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