I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
