I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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