so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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