You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
