WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
