I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She's the barista slut.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
