I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize