dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
