So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
