im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
