I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
