Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
