Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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