If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Well I just put wine in my tea
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
