This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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