I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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