Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
