last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
