why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
