Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
