You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
