Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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