why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
