I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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