I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
