Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
