i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
