The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
