Your face is a jimmy john
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
