Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
