And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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