I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize