then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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