you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
