you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
