Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
