I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
