She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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