I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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