if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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