i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
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