Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
