so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
