We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
did i just pee glitter
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
