You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
