is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
