after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
