I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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