its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
