Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
How does one acquire holy water?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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