I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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