He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
