I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
