I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
