NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
