I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
