Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
