If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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